465 is not who I am

I only have 465 subscribers on YouTube, as of right now. That’s up nine subscribers in seven days—which is worth celebrating! But it’s been stuck on that number now for the past four days, which is Sad Kevin.

But should I be sad?

First, foremost, and forever, I’m a writer. I got a lot of books out there to prove it. I have blog posts which, until now at least, haven’t always been regularly written and posted. But there are a lot of those, too. And daily I write thousands and thousands of words that all fit my stated mission: To inform and inspire, educate and entertain, in the service of God and humanity.

I do the work. I’m doing even more of it now.

And I’m putting in the work for YouTube these days, too. It’s been exactly one week since I started posting a video every single day. An entire week of finally sucking it up and doing what I’d been dreading. I struggled with doing even one video for months, and in seven days I’ve done seven. I’ve suddenly discovered I enjoy it.

But then there’s that number… 465. Stalled. Still. Tiny. Taunting me.

The thing is, if you’re going to be a content creator of any stripe, you need two things: An audience and validation.

The trouble comes when you start seeking validation from the audience.

I have readers. Thousands of them. They buy my books every month, and that has allowed me to keep food on the table, but also to own a table, and a house to put it in. We currently live in what I jokingly but seriously call “the house that books built.” My words get read. I have an audience.

But the words could use a bigger audience, I will admit. My income is directly proportional to the number of people who discover and buy my work. And my theory is that by producing content that is at least tangentially related to the books will help draw that audience.

That’s called “marketing,” in case you’re wondering. The term covers a lot of ground, but certainly the notion of creating content with the express intent of funneling people to your books is, indeed, a marketing tactic, and hopefully part of a larger marketing strategy.

So when you’re not getting that audience in a timely way, it can feel a little daunting. Disappointing. Depressing, even. But see… there’s the real problem. That’s me looking for validation from the audience. And when that’s the case, when that’s my metric of success, then I’m in for a long, hard slog.

“Considering what you get out of it is important.”

Seeking validation from an audience dooms you to misery because, for a start, it makes you ungrateful or unappreciative of the audience you do have. I see that number—465—and my first impulse isn’t, "Wonderful! I’m reaching 465 people with my message!” No, it tends to be, “C’mon! ONLY 465? Why isn’t it growing!”

For sure, audience growth is a metric you should consider. There are other metrics as well, from retention to engagement to click-thru. And beyond, really. There are a lot of ways to measure success.

But the lesson, really, is that we shouldn’t get too caught up in those metrics, looking for the magic number that will make us feel good about our efforts or our lives. We sometimes fall into the trap of “No one is listening, so why bother?” That’s usually around the time we give up.

Maybe that’s something to consider, if creating what you create comes at a great cost. Just like when I wrote about ROI, considering what you get out of it is important. And sometimes the reality is that if the cost outweighs the benefit, you may be better off walking away.

But another approach is the one I’m choosing, at least for now.

First, I decided from the start that the content I’m creating is meant for really just an audience of one… and that one would be me. I’m creating content that I like, that makes me feel good about myself and my work, and that allows me to feel like I’m contributing something positive to the world.

Second, I decided that I would focus on making content creation as easy and fun as possible, to give myself some breathing room and to avoid feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. In other words, I’m creating what I like, and I’m doing it in a way that doesn’t make me want to stab myself in the brain.

And third, I decided that I would seek my validation elsewhere. Rather than pinning all my hopes and dreams on finding an audience and seeing that subscriber count skyrocket, I’m deliberately choosing to accept and appreciate and be grateful for any and all subscribers. I will welcome them, and treat them with honor and respect. And my validation will come from being able to look back at my work, seeing it grow and improve with time, and knowing that I am capable and creative. I’m letting the work be the reward.

Which is not to say, obviously, that I wouldn’t welcome more subscribers. So as always, I ask that you subscribe, that you help me share content like this blog and the videos, and that you comment and let me know how I’m doing, or what you think of a particular topic, or just anything you want. Let’s make a conversation out of it. (in marketing, we call this “engagement”)

But to be clear… if you do none of the above, I’m going to feel just as validated. Because I’ve finally come to understand that creating is just what I do. It’s the way my soul expresses itself. It’s the tool by which I live out that mission statement above. And I do it because the work causes me far less pain than not doing it.

You might look at your own life, your own choices, your work and your motives, and figure out where your validation comes from. If it’s coming from anything other than you, consider that a red flag. You deserve better.

Be your own best audience.

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If you like this post, there’s a blog full of this kind of stuff. And Side Notes is basically an extension of my Note at the End, which you’ll find in all of my novels. And you can find those by clicking here. Share this post with your friends, if you found it helpful. And buy my books if you’d like to support me and my work!

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