I have a little wooden pig that a friend brought me from the Philippines. Actually, he could have picked it up at a Sip-n-Go for all I know. But the point is Me + Wooden Pig = Real.

Now, normally my wooden pig is fun all by himself. I call him Ju-ju Pig, and he sits on my desk providing good vibes and holding down papers. I love him. He loves me. It's pig-tastic.

And then Swine flu hysteria started.

Want to have some fun? Hold a wooden pig close to someone's face and say, "Swine flu?" Then give the pig a little shake, like you're salting them or something. People will literally climb over desks to get away from you.

Trust me, I've been doing it for two weeks.

I'm praying to God that somewhere along the way someone invents "Darth Vader Flu," because I have a giant PEZ dispenser that's begging the scare the bejeebers out of somebody.

Speaking of scary, here's the update on our cars. Turns out both were totaled, so the insurance company is all but paying them off. Basically, when they pay out we'll owe a grand total of $250 on both cars.

Say it with ... "Sweeeeeet."

It gets better. Our insurance company is USAA, which happens to be our bank. This means there are no hassles between the two, and so it will go through as soon as we send over the signed paperwork. And to sweeten the pot further, they've pre-approved us for a loan to buy a new vehicle. So come this time Monday, I will (hopefully) be sporting a mid-sized truck with an extended cab. A truck, by the way, that I wanted to buy anyway but was forced to wait on because we had to pay off our cars first.

God likes me.

Who would have thought that a torrential rain storm destroying my cars would turn out to be a really good thing?

And finally, tomorrow is officially "Star Trek" day. I may wear a uniform to work. That would be nice. But after that, Kara and I are hot-footing it to Studio Movie Grill to catch the show with my brother- and sister-in-law. Expect Vulcan references aplenty from here on out.

Oh, almost forgot! My camera should be here today! Maybe. Hopefully. Check it: JVC GX-HD6.

I'll let you know when the awesomeness arrives.

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Kevin Tumlinson is the author of numerous novels, novellas, and non-fiction books, and the host of the Wordslinger Podcast. Try three of his best books for free when you download his starter library at kevintumlinson.com/starterlibrary.


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