Viewing entries tagged
television

People on TV don't watch TV. Jerks.

I watch too much TV. I know I should be focusing my "other eight hours" on things that move my dreams forward, like practicing my floor mat routine for the Olympics, or meeting more ninjas. Instead, I tend to spend a few hours each night watching other people do that stuff instead.

And you know what millions of hours of keen observation have revealed to me? None of those people is sitting around watching TV.

I mean, yes, they do sometimes watch TV. Usually it's the Super Bowl, and they're trying to find a place to watch it because the cable is out and the wife's Tupperware party is that same night, and the best friend fell for a scam and bought an oven door from a guy in a parking lot who told him it was a flatscreen TV. But what they don't do is spend the whole episode staring vacantly, with ketchup on their chin and a plate covered in used and wadded up paper towels, sitting in their lap.

No, they go off and do things. They go camping and have crazy adventures. They take a cruise and have crazy adventures. They go to dude ranches and have crazy adventures. And they eventually watch the Super Bowl in the bar they frequent every episode, where everybody knows their name.

And they make me feel bad.

Because I want to do that stuff too, but I somehow lack the lovable, trouble-making side kick who is always buying bulk travel packages on failing cruise lines. My wife doesn't get wild ideas about starting an adult-themed candy business in the basement (which I also do not have). And no one seems to care about my catch phrase, "Now that's what I  call Kevinated!"

But maybe I'd have that stuff if I stopped watching TV so much. It's a radical idea, I know. Especially now that TV isn't really "TV" anymore, but an app that lets me keep up with all the latest goings-on of the Dunphy/Pritchett clan.

I propose we all become troublemakers for each other, and go on our own crazy adventures. Reality is harsh, but we can get through it together! Now ... who's going to write and record the theme song? And where do I buy a basement?


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Kevin Tumlinson is the author of numerous novels, novellas, and non-fiction books, and the host of the Wordslinger Podcast. Try three of his best books for free when you download his starter library at kevintumlinson.com/starterlibrary.
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TV or not TV

"Hi. My name is Kevin Tumlinson, and I ... <<sigh>> am addicted to TV."

<<all>> "Hi Kevin!"

"It's a long-running addiction. It started when I was just a kid. I would happily and excitedly jump out of bed on Saturday mornings around 5 a.m. and glue myself to a spot roughly three feet from the tube for the next eight to ten hours. All we had was a rabbit-ears antenna back then, and reception was poor. Thank God! Can you imagine if I'd had cable or satellite TV back then? I'd probably still be sitting there in some seriously over-stretched Spider-man Underoos."

<<Polite laughter, knowing nods, affirmative thumbs up from sponsor>>

That, my friends, is me taking the first step. I'm admitting I have a problem.

Practically since birth, TV has been my friend, my companion, my mentor. It was an educator. It was a comfort when I was sick or sad. It was a window into a world that I desperately wanted to be a part of. Happy, whole families. Fantastic adventures. And everyone makes out good in the end. Happy endings for all.

Recently, Kara and I bought a huge HD television. It's one of a dozen or so purchases we've made for our new house, but easily one of the most telling. This is an object that sits front and center in the one room of the house where we spend the most time. And despite the fact that we have gobs of unfinished work literally from floor to ceiling in every room of the house, a yard in desperate need of landscaping attention, and a garage that we currently can't park in, our TV works perfectly, and has astounding quality.

Kara and I have talked about this problem. We've come up with plans to become more "active." We've made decisions to "eat at the table more," "prepare more meals," "do more things around the house." "Maybe the TV could run in the background," we say. A soundtrack to our fruitful and productive lives.

Nay, nay.

Always, inevitably, we will plop down, plate of food in our lap, and start watching a marathon of shows. The Internet has made it possible to watch dozens of episodes for a series each night. It never stops. There is an endless supply.

I want to actually live my life. Watching it happen in HD isn't a good enough substitute.

I have books to write, inventions to invent, artwork to create. I have walks to take and neighborhoods to explore. I have yards to landscape, and neighbors to meet. I have so much more to do with my life. And since I can't DVR the whole thing, it's kind of important that I catch it live.

So, what's a TV junkie to do? Is there a program for this kind of addiction? A TV program? Heh ... sorry ... couldn't resist.



Like what you're reading? Consider tipping the author!

Tip in any amount you like, safely and securely via PayPal (no PayPal account requred). And thank you in advance for your generosity!


____________________________________________________________
Kevin Tumlinson is the author of numerous novels, novellas, and non-fiction books, and the host of the Wordslinger Podcast. Try three of his best books for free when you download his starter library at kevintumlinson.com/starterlibrary.
____________________________________________________________

BECOME A SLINGER

Get updates on new books, new posts, and new podcasts, plus be the first to hear about special offers and giveways. And pants jokes. Lots and lots of pants jokes.